Virgin Voyages Comedy Fest Cruise – A Week to Remember

Saturday – Boarding, Champagne & Grasshoppers

Myself and Mike had lucked out with an upgrade to a Mega Rockstar Gorgeous Suite, while John and Phil had gone for Rockstar. Allan, our Rockstar Agent, greeted us in the terminal, walked us through, and set us up with free champagne while explaining the perks — stocked in-room bar, daily laundry, spa thermal suite access, bottles of wine, priority queuing, and the ability to get us into pretty much any restaurant we fancied at the drop of a hat.

Dinner was at The Wake for John and Mikey, while I joined Phil for Newcastle v Leeds (Wasn’t going to be the first game on Match of the Day). By the time we regrouped later, it was The Manor first — where the Improv Allstars kicked things off, with Jack Whitehall himself dipping in. Brilliantly chaotic.

But the Casino Bar became our anchor point for the week, and it’s where I introduced someone (who turned out to be the highlight of more than a few nights) to Grasshoppers. Too many of them, in fact. That first night set the tone: cocktails, laughs, and friendships that carried through the rest of the cruise.

Sunday – Erin, Hangovers & Tom Lucy

Hurricane Erin and the Bay of Biscay made their presence felt. I’d had a late finish with Grasshoppers the night before, and by midday I was still parked in the Social Club, watching Brighton beat Man City while nursing both the swell and a hangover. Mikey insisted he was seasick (none of us bought it).

I rallied enough for some comedy. First was Tom Lucy in The Red Room, where he seemed to struggle with the crowd. Later in The Manor, though, he found his rhythm and was much sharper — with a more responsive audience and much more at ease. Emmanuel Sonubi also performed in The Manor that evening, and he absolutely nailed it, had the whole place in stitches.

By 11:30pm I admitted defeat and called it an early night (by this week’s standards anyway). It was also when I managed to completely miss Jack Whitehall’s first set, hopelessly wandering straight past the priority line without a clue.

Monday – La Coruña, Rooftop Vibes & Extra Virgin

We made land in La Coruña and walked the coast before wandering around the Riazor Stadium. Nice enough day but not a headline stop.

Back on board, Richard’s Rooftop reopened and became my afternoon home. Champagne flowed, people swapped cruise stories, and thanks to the rolling ship I even managed to baptise the hot tub with a couple of glasses — unintentionally “bathing in champagne” felt very Rockstar.

Dinner was at Extra Virgin, the Italian. I went for the gnocchi while the others tucked into meatier options (veal cheek ravioli, pork ossobuco). Plenty of wine flowed, and afterwards we gravitated back to — where else — the Casino Bar.

Tuesday – Bilbao, Lucky Lotus, Slang Lessons & David the Maestro

Bilbao was a highlight. We took the Artxanda Funicular up for spectacular views, found ourselves having a drink in a non-league football stadium bar (still not sure how), and then explored the Old Town for pintxos and wine.

Dinner that evening was at Razzle Dazzle’s Lucky Lotus takeover. I went for veggie dumplings followed by basil chicken, while John and Mike explored more of the Asian-inspired menu. Afterward, the night picked up at The Manor with Matt Stellingwerf and Kazeem Jamal, who both went down a storm.

Later, we’d been invited to a “secret” magic show in the crew bar at the very front of the ship. Hurricane Erin made it lively — at one point David the Maestro dropped his water bottle, clarifying (with a grin) that it wasn’t part of the act, while crew mopped up water with towels mid-show. It was intimate, chaotic, and unforgettable.

We wrapped up, inevitably, at the Casino Bar. Between drinks, John and I tried teaching some Cockney rhyming slang — it didn’t really translate, but we had a lot of laughs (and I’ll admit she was probably right about it making no sense).

Wednesday – Bordeaux (Sort Of), Pink Agave & Rum Runners

Bordeaux was technically on the map, but at two hours away we stayed local. The nearby town was pleasant enough, but not exactly worth writing home about. (Two hours for a glass of wine didn’t quite feel worth it.)

Dinner was at Pink Agave, and it turned out to be my favourite meal of the cruise — chicken enchiladas, chile relleno, fresh guacamole, and margaritas. We didn’t even have time for dessert, because Mikey and I were off to Rum Runners, a rum history and tasting session.

We tried three rums neat — Pusser’s Blue Label, Brugal 1888, and Mount Gay Eclipse — as well as a mojito and rum punch. Best of all, we met a couple behind Hathi Spiced Rum (hathi-spirits.co.uk), who host rum-and-Indian food events back home. Genuinely fascinating.

That night was Scarlet Night, with nearly everyone dressed in red. The planned pool party was moved indoors thanks to the weather, but the atmosphere was still buzzing. Mikey, meanwhile, had been spamming our WhatsApp group while playing blackjack next to Jack Whitehall, begging us to take a photo. We ignored him (obviously), but he eventually got his snap — and we’ve not let him live it down since.

Thursday – Rooftop Finale, The Test Kitchen & Whitehall Done Right

Richard’s Rooftop reopened properly in the afternoon, so I took one last hot tub session (mercifully calmer seas by then).

Dinner that evening was at The Test Kitchen. I hadn’t planned to go, but when I heard some of our new friends were booked in, I changed my mind. I went for the veggie menu — things like egg in a hole, beetroot tartare, and a tofu version of the blue cheese tart — while the others stuck to the meat options. It wasn’t my favourite restaurant, but I still really enjoyed it. Service was slightly rushed as Allan had promised to collect us personally for Jack Whitehall’s second show — after I’d completely botched the first one.

Whitehall’s set this time was outstanding — a mix of sharp gags and stories about becoming a dad. His routine about alternative parenting styles particularly resonated with me (my daughter has Autism and Pathological Demand Avoidance, so trying different parenting styles is part of our daily life). He had me laughing harder than I expected — and it hit close to home in the best way.

The night wrapped up with one last round at the Casino Bar. My new friend, who’d already been introduced to Grasshoppers earlier in the week, introduced me to a Rum Old Fashioned. We carried our drinks to On The Rocks, where the crew cleared glasses, stacked chairs, wiped down tables and vacuumed around us. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a memory I’ll carry with me for a long time.

Friday – Departure & French Toast Burgers

Departure morning came far too quickly. We dragged ourselves to The Galley for breakfast, and while I probably should’ve gone for something sensible, Mikey ordered the French Toast Burger and it looked too good to resist. Two slabs of French toast, a burger patty, candied bacon, and cheese — not exactly health food, but the perfect send-off.

Suitcases packed, goodbyes said, we stepped off Scarlet Lady for the last time — tired, a little fragile, but with a head (and heart) full of memories that will stay with me.